Venting...

I have to vent a little bit... It's already been months since I last went to the gym. I occasionally run around the park and lift weights at home but that doesn't break a sweat outta me as if I were at the gym. Lately I've been having so much back pain, knee pain, and hip pain- I swear to you I feel like a Senior Citizen...

Man, I remember when the gym was my life; I ran 5 miles on the treadmill, lifted weights for an hour, attended my kickboxing classes and I felt so damn good afterwards. It was the greatest feeling to know that I was healthy and staying in shape.

In April I was diagnosed with diabetes. It killed me when I found out, because I'd exercise on a daily basis to prevent any health issues from occurring... Apparently I got hit with a disease that's most prevelant in my Dad's side of the family. One would think that after I found out about my diagnosis I'd be eager to exercise and more health conscious but, NOPE...

For those who read my previous blogs know about my past eating disorder which also lead to the compulsive exercising behavior. And now I'm feeling the effects from it.

I wish I could still maintain that drive and motivation to just drop everything and go to the gym as I used to.... I feel a little embarrassed and guilty for writing this when I could be using this time to go to the gym- maybe I still can. I'm just not as quick with all these aches in my body...

::sigh:: I just need to stop being so NEGATIVE and be like NIKE and just DO IT! ;)

Thanks for listening!

Holiday Spirit

The other day I went to PetSmart in Whittier, CA and found out that SANTA CLAUSE was going to be there to take pictures with owners and their pets for Christmas! I had to bring Sharpie because a few weeks ago I bought him the cutest little Santa collar (the one he's wearing in this photo). Unfortanutely I don't have the picture yet, so this one will have to do. :)

Oh and if you noticed the plain Christmas tree, you can thank Sharpie for that. Yes, he jumped on that tree, smashed the bulbs and broke all my pretty ornaments....bad-bad kitty. If I was Santa I'd put COAL in his stocking! haha Not only did he break the ornaments, but I have a hunch that he's sneaking into his Christmas stocking that's stuffed full with toys!

Does anyone else have a pet like this?!? lol :)

Finals are officially OVER

Thank God Finals are over! I seriously feel like this cartoon character just wanting to run away from books, pens and everything! Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm going to school for, but sometimes you just need a break.

This semester a lot has happend. I can truly say that I learned a lot about my character. During this time I've been able to think a lot more about me and my future plans then ever before. When I was in my relationship I was constantly thinking of just the relationship. I know it wasn't healthy, but hey I learned from it and I know now that I need to have more of a balance with anything that comes my way.

My friends are applying to grad schools this semester and by seeing how stressed out they are I'm glad that I decided to take a year off. This year gives me time to raise my GPA, do more volunteer work, travel, have some fun, and do things for myself. Although I'm pleased with my decision, I commend all who directly go into grad school right after there bachelors.

I'm just so relieved that it's over for this semseter. Good luck to anyone else taking finals! :)

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

The month of December has always been my favorite time of the year. Don't you notice that in December everyone is more nice to you than any other season? All the store clerks are just wearing their holiday smiles and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. That's what this season is about anyway... No one wants to come across a Mr. Scrooge.



I don't know if you remember watching the classic Mickey's Christmas Carol, but I just turned that on the other night with my grandparents and it was a pleasant suprise to remember watching this film when I was about oh 4-5 yrs old. It has a good moral to the story in my opinion.

This month has always been my time to give and give endlessly, but sadly this season I'm so broke and funds are limited... so something that I might do that I haven't done in a while is give my time to charities. I want to help feed the homeless, visit the orphanages, and give the kids some TLC (tender, love and care) during this Christmas season. I'm so excited to see how that plays out... I'll definitely keep you posted.

Elegant and Classy

Lana Turner

Veronica Lake

Marilyn Monroe

Judy Garland

Claudette Colbert

Rita Hayworth

Elizabeth Taylor

I'M JUST CURIOUS BUT...
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE ACTRESS FROM THE 30's- 50's?

Take me out to the ball game....

So I'm sure anyone who is dating a huge baseball sports fan knows that they will not be getting any attention anytime soon! Sorry to break it to ya, but the games between Angels vs Yankees and Dodgers vs Phillies are pretty serious.

I'm not sure if anybody saw Saturday nights 13th inning game with Angels vs Yankees, but I'm sure they heard that it was one HELL of a game! It was back to back all the way to the end. I must admit there were some SERIOUS ERRORS by the Angels which caused them to lose, but I think because of their mess-ups they'll conquer tonight's game without a doubt! So I think you already know what team I'm rooting for, but these games are begining to excite me.

Now the Dodgers vs Phillies game that was on last night was RIDICULOUS! Did Dodgers forget that they were on the field or were those players actually the wives in Dodgers uniform?! The score was 11- 0 and let me tell you the Dodger's did not win. It was an embarrassment to baseball history! And as you can tell, I'm not a Dodgers fan whatsoever! So is their a little bias in my opinion heck yes there is!

Anyway ladies, if you don't like watching the sports try it one of these days. Try going as far as throwing a themed sports party buy lots beer, chicken wings, pizza and have a GREAT TIME supporting your guys team! Trust me, it's a turn on!! ;)

Happy Friday!

Need I say more? :) Have a safe, fun, filled weekend!

Rainy days...

Don't you just love the rain? Here in California there's mostly sunshine, so it's nice when the weather changes every now and then. What I love most is when it rains during the evening. The rain somehow makes the house more warm and cozy- don't you think?

I love having the house to myself on these kind of nights because then I could just relax in the livingroom with the lights dimmed low and snuggle with my pillow or cuddle in my blankets and turn on a good Disney movie.


I can be 101 yrs. old and I'll never be tired of them. Some of those movies have the most sweetest and heartfelt storylines then any movies out there today. Fox in the Hound is one of my favorites. But Peter Pan is a close second. I can watch them and all the rest over and over again and they will still bring a smile to me.

I'm just curious, but what is your favorite Disney movie that you like to watch? Everyone has to have at least one. ;)

My Cat, My Best Friend

Sharpie is not just any cat, he's my best friend. He may playfully attack my feet from under the bed, attack my hands when least expected, break glasses in the kitchen sink, stick his paws inside the fish tank, tear up the toilet paper from the bathroom, and sneak into the bag of treats (when no one notices), but without a doubt, he will be the first to bring a smile to your face. :)

Sharpie has such a wonderful, chipper, and playful spirit. As often as Rick and I wanted to just give him the boot, we wouldn't dare. He is just too irresistable. He runs down the stairs to greet me when coming home from school or work and meows to be held. Whenever it's time to fold clothes or make-up the bed, Sharpie will be the first to run underneath it all to find his way out. And if ever he wants to check the weather he'll open the blinds with his paw and just simply take a peak- he's awesome!I'm very thankful that Sharpie is apart of my life... He was a birthday present given to me over the summer by Rick. Considering he was a couples first pet, he was the greatest cat anyone could ever own. I love my Sharpie to pieces and I don't think any other cat could ever take his place.

Mother's To Be

As the winter draws near and nights become much cooler, it seems as though this winter weather has brought more couples closer together. I'm hearing more and more about mother's to be and I'm seeing more tummies grow as months pass by. Recently, a dear friend of mine shared with me that she's expecting and what a joy it was for me to hear her say those words. Of course sometimes pregnancies do take people by surprise, but bringing another life into the world is the greatest surprise and greatest gift that one could ever receive.

As I'm growing older I'm noticing more frequently that there is such an elegant presence to pregnant women; I'm just in awe with their stunning "motherly glow." All the women that I have met have this inner beauty that bursts and shines through their eyes- it actually makes me a little anxious to want and have a baby. I can only imagine during that moment when that precious little bundle of joy is wrapped up in her arms and a new kind of love will be unveiled and a special vow between mother and newborn will be made.
Here's a poem to all the mother's to be.

~*The Beauty of Women*~

The beauty of a woman

Is not in the clothes she wears,

The figure that she carries,

Or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,

Because that is the doorway to her heart,

the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,

But true beauty in a woman

Is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives,

The passion that she shows,

And the beauty of a woman

With passing years-only grows....

~Anonymous

How can you mend a broken heart?

It's been a while since I've written anything personal in my blog, I've just been going through a lot these past few weeks and I was trying to avoid thinking about it by not writing about it; but I think I'm ready now...

My boyfriend and I decided to go our seperate ways; we're still friends, still keep in contact whenever I want to see Sharpie (my kitten that we bought together)but that is seldom. As the weeks go by the love I once had for him is slowly fading away. This scares me, because I'm scared if I'll be doing the right thing or not. I told him that I wasn't going to wait forever for him and slowly I'm feeling the reality of that creeping in. Not being able to talk on the phone like we used to totally breaks the connection that I once had with him. No longer having his arms wrapped around me to keep me warm, has made me cold towards certain things. Reminiscing about the four wonderful yet difficult years of our life has made me wonder why we didn't make it through this time around...

People who know me say,"Oh this is just a vacation for the two of you, you'll get back together." Comments as such just put countless and more thoughts in my head, because I seriously don't know if we will get back together. This time around was different, I packed my things from his house and left! I cried my heart out, stayed at his house for a long period of time just wishing he would say, "Ok let's try to work this out" but he was content about the decsion.

It's so weird how this happend. Just a month or two ago we went engagment ring shopping and now we're not together anymore. Was it cold feet? Maybe. All I know was that we were getting closer to that moment in our lives when things were going to be great; he was going to graduate from college and hopefully get a promotion at his job and after a weekend of intense therapy I had a lot of realizations within myself/ self discovery that motivated me to change certain aspects/approaches in my life that could better my relationship with him as well as the people I surround myself with.

So what happend? I think we were so wrapped up in the dream that we planned that we had forgotten to take a step back into reality and think about the things that matter most to us. Did he meet all my needs and did I meet all of his? Were we really meant for eachother or were we trying to mold eachother into what we wanted?

"Am I ok?" -It's something I have to ask myself everyday, because each day sheds a new light.

Dancing With The Stars!

Ok so who's keeping up with Dancing with the Stars? I saw the guys dance on Monday night and I must say there was a few who I thought did VERY WELL and there were some who just seemed uncomfortable, stiff and awkward! I think this is going to be an exciting season, so many have great potential and I can't wait to see all the other dances that these STAR dancers have to offer.

The guys who I thought did great are:
Donny Osmond <--- Way to ham it up!

Aaron Carter <-- taking after your Backstreet Boy brother

Mark Dacascos <-- You can just keep flaunting that Kung Fu body of yours! :)

Guys who need A LOT MORE PRACTICE are

Tom Delay <--- Hopefully with this dancing his BUM will get tighter! lol Ashley Hamilton <-- Sometimes we can't have it all! ;(
Chuck Liddle <-- For a fighter I think your kicking some @$$ out there!

As for the LADIES, we were smoking HOT on the dance floor! Hands up for
Joanna Krupa <--- she is so gorgeous!
Kelly Osbourne <--- totally amazed the audience
Mya <--- Elegant in every way



The dancer who needs to shape up or ship out is:
Macy Gray - I'm sorry, but she has no enthusiasm when she dances; Stick to singing! ;)




What are your thoughts? Who do you think will be eliminated tonight?

This Season is Auburn!

Ok, so we all know that I'm not a FASHIONISTA here, but I've really been into the color Auburn lately. It's so striking don't you think? I even hear that the most trendiest hair colors for the Fall are the darker tones. So today I am going to Carlton's at 2:30pm to color my hair similiar to the one like the photo. I'm a little nervous, but I love styling my hair different. I don't ever think I've gotten the same hair color or haircut twice in a row!! :D

Anyway for all you that go to Carlton's here's a 50% discount on hair color with hair cut!
http://www.carltonhairinternational.com/special/index.html?gclid=CJzDgI7k-5wCFSFRagodkFiFaw

ENJOY!

Inside my diary....

Dear Diary,
After so many years I finally opened you up once again. I turned the key to unlock my memories and there I saw my first entrance was 12 yrs ago, December 14, 1997. I read all my foolish thoughts about particular boys that I had MAJOR crushes on and read all my love notes that I shoved in there long ago.

I had 2 rings left inside; I'd forgotten about that boy in 7th grade who asked me to keep this ring as a token of his love. I thought I gave it back to him because my mom asked me to return it to him, plus I wasn't too fond of him myself. The second ring was from not a boy but a young man who did care for me, but I was waaay too young to appreciate and take relationships seriously like he was. He engraved his name on the ring, and as time keeps passings it's turning slightly bronzed. - Memories...

Reading you, I also saw the torn pages that I ripped out with frustration and anger because I felt like no one was listening nor understanding me. I read the parts about my weight and how horrible of an issue it was for me, and how I wished so many times that I could heal my eating disorder. I read about the time I cut myself just to relieve the pain I was going through. I read about the time my favorite cousin died and how hard it was for me to deal with his death. I read about the time where I wished I was dead.- memories....

I'm so glad that I kept you because now I can reflect and appreciate the life I have now and see how much progress I truly made from then until now. Thank you Diary for letting me vent to you through all my troubled years and all my happy ones. You were my best friend, the greatest listener one could ever have.

Thanks again!

Grandpa

As years pass and as I'm growing older I am also seeing you grow older as well. Your once young eyes that I gazed into as a young todler has gradually changed and tired over time. Your thick jet black hair that I used to comb for $.25 cents has now changed to a thin sudden gray. Your laughter and war stories that once filled the room has become less than and more quiet as your illness has creeped into your life.

Grandpa, just because you didn't say those three words to me, my young heart knew just how much you loved me. We've gone through so many good times and even bad times, but never once did you give up on me. Just like you Grandpa, I won't give up on you... Whether you have Alzheimers or whether it's old age that your memory is slowly fading away; I have all our memories kept in a huge red box that's wrapped in my heart solely for you and me. No one else knows our secrets Grandpa, no one else; just you and me....

Weekend Therapy

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my life and certain characteristics that need desperate improvements. I've always been the type of person who believed that if someone didn't agree with certain behaviors of mine then that's that person's problem because I'm not going to be the one to change. Talk about being narrow minded right? Of course that kind of thinking wont get me anywhere in life, it'll just bring forth failure of communication, understanding and being closed off towards others. I've also noticed that in arguments, mainly between my parents and even with my boyfriend, I get very defensive, shut down, and put that wall up. Re-reading what I wrote sounds child like don't you think? If I want to have an equal adult-like relationship with these people then I need to demonstrate that as well, otherwise I wont get that kind of respect.

To everyone who reads this it may sound like basic 101 kind of stuff, but if this behavior was learned at a young age then it will be a hardder habit to break. It may be hard, but its not impossible I think if I learned how to do something I'm sure I can unlearn it as well. It'll definitely be challenging- but if my own characteristics are going to negatively influence my future and present relationships then this is something that I need to correct. My boyfriend has always challenged me with this thought, "If people don't feel the need to improve themselves then how will they grow?" He's definitely right!! And I admit that I can be a stubborn young lady who wants to remain the same only because it's comfortable for me, but what challenge does that bring forth- how will my thoughts expand and how will I grow intellectually if I'm stagnant.

How many of you have tried to talk to people who just WONT see your view because they're stuck in their ways? It's frustrating when you can't get through to them huh? Well I don't want to be that kind of person, I want to be able to accept what you have to say with an open heart and mind to give you a fair opportunity, so you may do the same for me.

Well... this weekend Aug. 21st -23rd I'll be heading out to Laguna Beach to a retreat for my internship. It sounds nice, but these retreats are intense. It's 2 full days of group and individual therapy. I'm interning for a Group Leader position at Cal State Fullerton University. I'm a Human Service major and my goal is to become a therapist or youth counselor for abused children or children with eating disorders..

In a sense I will be training to be like a group therapist, but I can't call myself a "therapist" because I'm not liscenced hence why I'm applying for the "Group Leader" position. haha. Anyway, this retreat will definitely put me on the right track to help me focus on what I talked about in this blog. So I'm definitely happy to attend but I know when I come back I'll be emotionally exhausted! :) Well can't dwell on that!
Anyway have a great weekend! :)

I kneel down before the shallow waters, to reveal my own reflection. Just a mere window of the soul, is all that my eye's can be detecting. For what all that I consume, is not all that there is. We must look beneath the visual shell, for that is where we live. Reach deep my friend, and you shall find much more than you conceive. For who or what we may become, exist inside of thee.
Inside Of Thee by Robert Hensel

Just One Of Those Days...

Have you ever had one of those days when your sleep was interrupted from the most pleasant sleep you've experienced in the longest time and knew there after your day was going down hill because of it? ZZZZzzzz

Have you ever had one of those days you woke up feeling BLAH and didn't care what you looked like and hoped that no one was going to notice? Yet right as you walk into work your closest co-worker just stares at you and says, "You are one HOT mess!"

Have you ever had one of those days when you take everything out on your <3boyfriend<3 even though he's trying to be patient and understanding to you, but during the heat of the moment you can't see that because your mind is fogged & consumed about how bad your day has been thus far?

Ever thought that nothing could get worse then what the day has brought forth-yet it ALWAYS does!





<-- Poor kid, I feel his pain....hehe (it sucks but it's kinda funny too)

Now after a long day like this, don't you feel like you just need to laugh extrememly hard to take all the stress away?

<--- haha I love this cat! :D


Who else has pathetically suffered from a day like this?! -Haha :D

A Souvenir Made in Chicago

Entering my first plane ride from out of state with the love of my life! Here's the view from where I was sitting...

Photos taken by Priscilla Martinez

So... I couldn't have imagined a better vacation then I did. The plane ride itself was just breath taking. Being in a plane with loved ones is the most fun I've ever had! Card games were being played and our laughter just filled the plane-**good times**. And remember in my last blog I was hoping to get a window seat? Well it worked out to my advantage and I was able to see the endless blue sky, the white cotton clouds and each states land and how it differed from state to state. I would have to say that I have never seen a greener piece of land like Milwaukee and Illinois in my life. Sure, California has its beautiful places but they’re so distant from where I live; so during my trip I was able to appreciate Chicago’s land that much more. :) Chicago’s sweet "picture perfect" Bungalow style homes (well at least the one I stayed in) were surrounded by leafy weeping willows and gorgeous tall Elm Trees which made the streets itself look so rich and gorgeous- I loved it!

Rick and I @ the Planetarium Navy Pier

Science Museum Architecture boat tour
Photos taken by Priscilla Martinez

There's just so much to do in the third most largest city! I would definitely recommend wearing comfortable shoes or sandals because you'll be doing a lot of walking. Although I was super tired after one day of walking, I would have to say that it was the best part because that's how I was able to see every skyline, shop, bus stop, train, restaurant, park and person. And it's always very nice being able to hold hands and experience new adventures with the person you love most.

Fun places to go & see that I recommend would be:

The Navy Pier * Architecture Boat Tour* The Science Museum* Shedd Aquarium* Willis Tower* The Planetarium* The Bean* Millennium Park* Grant Park* Buckingham Fountain* * Giordano's (famous for their deep dish pizza)* And I'm sure there's a lot more! :)

At Millennium Park

Lastly, for all those romatics out there...haha jk Well, I must say that this trip brought Rick and I closer together. We've been together for four years now, but each time we venture out we always learn something new about each other which makes our relationship fun and exciting. We had so much fun in the city that it was hard to say "goodbye" to all our family and new friends. But there was a moment from Chicago, one that I will keep as my personal souvenir, was when Rick and I walked hand in hand around the quiet neighborhood with just the crickets playing their soft tunes,while the wind blowing sofltly through the trees and the stars shinning from the sky- I caught him staring at me and though there were no words spoken, I knew his eyes were telling me just how much he loved me. I really am blessed to have him in my life. And as we walked together that night we exchanged our thoughts about life and what our future will be like; I'll keep those details burried in my heart... ;)

So that was my trip... pleasant in every way; I hope the next time you venture on your vacation you will have just as good of a time. <3<3>