It's been a while since I've written anything personal in my blog, I've just been going through a lot these past few weeks and I was trying to avoid thinking about it by not writing about it; but I think I'm ready now...
My boyfriend and I decided to go our seperate ways; we're still friends, still keep in contact whenever I want to see Sharpie (my kitten that we bought together)but that is seldom. As the weeks go by the love I once had for him is slowly fading away. This scares me, because I'm scared if I'll be doing the right thing or not. I told him that I wasn't going to wait forever for him and slowly I'm feeling the reality of that creeping in. Not being able to talk on the phone like we used to totally breaks the connection that I once had with him. No longer having his arms wrapped around me to keep me warm, has made me cold towards certain things. Reminiscing about the four wonderful yet difficult years of our life has made me wonder why we didn't make it through this time around...
People who know me say,"Oh this is just a vacation for the two of you, you'll get back together." Comments as such just put countless and more thoughts in my head, because I seriously don't know if we will get back together. This time around was different, I packed my things from his house and left! I cried my heart out, stayed at his house for a long period of time just wishing he would say, "Ok let's try to work this out" but he was content about the decsion.
It's so weird how this happend. Just a month or two ago we went engagment ring shopping and now we're not together anymore. Was it cold feet? Maybe. All I know was that we were getting closer to that moment in our lives when things were going to be great; he was going to graduate from college and hopefully get a promotion at his job and after a weekend of intense therapy I had a lot of realizations within myself/ self discovery that motivated me to change certain aspects/approaches in my life that could better my relationship with him as well as the people I surround myself with.
So what happend? I think we were so wrapped up in the dream that we planned that we had forgotten to take a step back into reality and think about the things that matter most to us. Did he meet all my needs and did I meet all of his? Were we really meant for eachother or were we trying to mold eachother into what we wanted?
"Am I ok?" -It's something I have to ask myself everyday, because each day sheds a new light.
My boyfriend and I decided to go our seperate ways; we're still friends, still keep in contact whenever I want to see Sharpie (my kitten that we bought together)but that is seldom. As the weeks go by the love I once had for him is slowly fading away. This scares me, because I'm scared if I'll be doing the right thing or not. I told him that I wasn't going to wait forever for him and slowly I'm feeling the reality of that creeping in. Not being able to talk on the phone like we used to totally breaks the connection that I once had with him. No longer having his arms wrapped around me to keep me warm, has made me cold towards certain things. Reminiscing about the four wonderful yet difficult years of our life has made me wonder why we didn't make it through this time around...
People who know me say,"Oh this is just a vacation for the two of you, you'll get back together." Comments as such just put countless and more thoughts in my head, because I seriously don't know if we will get back together. This time around was different, I packed my things from his house and left! I cried my heart out, stayed at his house for a long period of time just wishing he would say, "Ok let's try to work this out" but he was content about the decsion.
It's so weird how this happend. Just a month or two ago we went engagment ring shopping and now we're not together anymore. Was it cold feet? Maybe. All I know was that we were getting closer to that moment in our lives when things were going to be great; he was going to graduate from college and hopefully get a promotion at his job and after a weekend of intense therapy I had a lot of realizations within myself/ self discovery that motivated me to change certain aspects/approaches in my life that could better my relationship with him as well as the people I surround myself with.
So what happend? I think we were so wrapped up in the dream that we planned that we had forgotten to take a step back into reality and think about the things that matter most to us. Did he meet all my needs and did I meet all of his? Were we really meant for eachother or were we trying to mold eachother into what we wanted?
"Am I ok?" -It's something I have to ask myself everyday, because each day sheds a new light.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about you & Rick. You have one STRONG heart Priscilla! You've gone through so much and you're so resilient. Just know I'm always here for you and I support you and only want to see you happy! :)
Post a Comment